The intricacies of human relationships have long fascinated psychologists and researchers alike. One common phenomenon that has captured the attention of many is the curious attraction some women exhibit towards men who are already in relationships. The “taken” status of a man often seems to enhance his desirability, leaving us to wonder why this paradoxical attraction exists. We will delve into the psychological underpinnings of this phenomenon, exploring various theories and explanations that shed light on why women might be more attracted to men with girlfriends.
Attractiveness Boost
As per the findings of a recent study featured in Scientific Reports, men who are in relationships receive what researchers term an “attractiveness boost.” Consequently, they are perceived as more physically appealing than they would typically be. Interestingly, this phenomenon is acknowledged and valued by other women in the vicinity, as it seems akin to the man’s girlfriend bestowing her approval, effectively confirming his status as an attractive individual.
In this study, the researchers instructed female participants to evaluate images of men, men’s hands, and abstract art. Additionally, they informed the participants about how other women in the study had rated these images. The results revealed that when the women were made aware of how others had rated the pictures, they adjusted their own ratings to align with the collective opinion.
Lead researcher Dr. Kate Cross noted, “In our study, women exhibited a preference for men’s faces that had received high ratings from other women. However, a similar pattern emerged when assessing pictures of abstract artworks. This suggests that women tend to mimic the mate preferences of their peers, possibly due to the general human inclination to be influenced by the opinions of others.”
Why Are Men With Girlfriends More Attractive?
The researchers propose that this peculiar phenomenon may be attributed to “female mate choice copying.” This process involves women using the presence of a man’s partner as an indicator of his own desirability and quality.
Consider this scenario: Imagine you’re out with friends, and someone compliments your outfit, praising how fantastic and attractive you look. It’s only natural that their positive opinion will influence your perception, and you’ll start seeing those clothes as even more stylish and appealing than before.
Similarly, when it comes to the “attractiveness boost” resulting from having a girlfriend, it’s as if your partner is holding a bright neon sign that reads, “This man is irresistible and an excellent catch,” with an arrow pointed right at you. This visible sign of approval naturally catches the attention of other women, making them perceive you as alluring and highly datable.
The researchers refer to this phenomenon as “mate-choice copying.” When a man is chosen as a potential partner by someone, it signifies that he possesses exceptional qualities, higher in quality compared to other single men. This notion is quite logical when you think about it. Clearly, he possesses endearing traits that appealed to his girlfriend, prompting other women around to take notice and feel drawn to him as well.
Dr. Sally Street from Durham University, one of the joint authors, explained, “Social influence permeates various aspects of our lives, and this extends to partner choice. However, at present, there isn’t definitive experimental evidence supporting the existence of a specialized mate-choice copying mechanism in humans.”
The Urge for a “Challenge”
In the realm of psychology, humans are often drawn to challenges and the thrill of pursuit. When a man is already in a relationship, it inadvertently presents an obstacle to potential suitors, sparking a competitive instinct in some women. The idea of “winning” the affections of a man who appears to be already “taken” can trigger a sense of accomplishment, enhancing the woman’s self-esteem and self-worth.
Moreover, this challenge may be seen as a validation of their attractiveness and desirability. The thought that they are capable of drawing attention away from another woman and capturing the focus of a man who is already committed can be alluring. Consequently, some women may subconsciously seek out relationships with taken men as a means of boosting their self-confidence.
The Appeal of Emotional Availability
Another compelling theory that sheds light on this phenomenon is the allure of emotional availability. Men who are in committed relationships have demonstrated their ability to engage in a long-term partnership successfully. This demonstration of emotional maturity and commitment may make them appear more appealing to some women.
Furthermore, a man who is already in a relationship has likely shown that he possesses qualities deemed desirable in a partner, such as loyalty, dependability, and trustworthiness. The presence of these traits can make him seem more attractive compared to single men, who might be perceived as more uncertain in their intentions and commitment.
The “Preselected” Man
Psychologists often refer to the concept of “preselection” when studying human mate selection patterns. Preselection suggests that people tend to be attracted to individuals who are already in relationships because their existing partners have already vetted them as suitable partners.
When a woman sees a man who is happily committed to his girlfriend, she perceives him as someone who has already passed the test of being a good partner. Subconsciously, this can signal to her that he possesses positive qualities and can make a reliable companion, making him more appealing.
The “Forbidden Fruit” Effect
The age-old adage of the “forbidden fruit” may also contribute to the attraction some women feel towards men with girlfriends. Human psychology often finds allure in the things that are deemed off-limits or taboo. In the context of relationships, the knowledge that a man is in a committed partnership can add an element of excitement and danger.
The thrill of engaging in a potentially secretive affair or breaking societal norms can create an intoxicating allure. Additionally, the idea of being pursued by a man who is not fully available can also evoke feelings of being special or unique, enhancing the appeal of the forbidden relationship.
Emotional Connection and Intimacy
Women, like men, seek emotional connection and intimacy in their relationships. Some women may find it easier to establish emotional bonds with men who are already in relationships due to the perceived safety and distance offered by such a situation.
In these cases, the emotional connection can occur without the pressures of a full-fledged commitment. The man may be more open, vulnerable, and willing to share emotions, as he knows that the relationship is already defined. This emotional availability can create a deep sense of intimacy, which some women find irresistible.
Bottom Line
The attraction some women feel towards men with girlfriends is a complex phenomenon that can be attributed to various psychological factors. The allure of a challenge, the appeal of emotional availability, the notion of being preselected, the “forbidden fruit” effect, and the potential for emotional connection all play roles in shaping this intriguing dynamic.
However, it is essential to remember that human behavior is multifaceted, and not all women are drawn to men in relationships. Individual differences, personal experiences, and cultural influences also play significant roles in shaping relationship preferences.
As researchers continue to explore the depths of human psychology, we may gain a deeper understanding of the intricacies of attraction and relationship dynamics. Until then, the phenomenon of women being attracted to men with girlfriends remains an intriguing and captivating topic in the field of psychology.
