Laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking can get exhausting, especially if only one person has to do everything. This brings us to a fundamental question in marriages – How to divide household chores fairly with spouse?
In this modern era, men and women are both working adults which share an equal amount of burden of daily household chores. Unlike long ago, women used to be housewives to take care of children at home and be the one in charge of household chores. At the same time, men are the ones that go out to work to bring back income for the family.
However, during these modern days where both husband and wife are working. Thus, we need to share this burden of house errands equally to avoid future misunderstanding and arguments in a relationship.
Many couples do not sit down to have a discussion on this topic before moving in together. According to studies and research, house chores issues are linked to divorce rates among husband and wife. Divorce rates for those couples who do not share house chores are fifty percent higher than those who share.
Discuss House Rules in Advanced Before Marriage
Before staying together as a couple we need to remember that every individual is different. Both parties are brought up from different families upbringing and culture. Thus, what someone thinks is right or normal might not be the same in other people’s mindset.
This is the ultimate reason why conflict happens when a couple has different dictionaries in their heads of what is right and wrong. The root cause of this could be solved when having an advance discussion and agreement on house rules regarding the chores division and person in charge.
For example, men usually do heavier duties which require more strength like washing the floor outside, cleaning the high ceiling fan and throwing the garbage out. While women do chores like laundry, vacuum cleaning and ironing clothes.
Be Flexible But Do Not Take For Granted
Setting house rules of who is in charge at home for the daily chores are good to follow. It gives equal responsibilities to both the working adults. However, at times of uncertainties we also need to be flexible. In a realistic world, there is no plan that goes 100% as planned, as there will always be change and unexpected events happening disturbing our schedule once in a while.
If our spouse is tired that day and had an exceptional late working day, we can also assist them to do the chore on their behalf. This act however should not be taken for granted or over abused. We need to be flexible in certain situations to ensure important chores are done on time for a smooth livelihood together.
Be Accommodative and Understanding
When allocating the household chores with your spouse, be open minded and listen to their concerns and preferences. If your spouse has sensitive skin to dishwashing detergent, be sensible enough to offer to do the washing where the soap would come in contact with skin.
With better understanding and reasons why certain house chores are delayed or not done, we will not be angry with our spouse. Sometimes our partner is shy to tell you the reason for not doing or avoiding, we need to take this chance to sit down and solve the problem.
If we accommodate each other more often, many small conflicts could be avoided while living together as a couple.
Hire a Part Time Maid If Needed
This method is applicable to most couples who do not trust having a full time maid on standby at home. As both husband and wife are working adults, there may have times where both parties are extremely busy and have no time left. For this scenario, hire a part time maid during the weekends to settle certain basic chores which could be delayed till the weekend.
When times are crucial and busy, you need to spend a little more to hire for cleaning services. It will be totally worth it, while you take a good rest at home after a tiring working week. This step could prevent arguments about blaming each other for not doing the chores after a hectic work week.
Voice Tone Matters
The human mouth is the most powerful tool to make a person happy, sad, angry and many other emotions are affected. When speaking rudely or harshly to someone, we do not bring any benefit to both parties. Thus, we need to always remember to use the appropriate tone to our husband or wife.
With a polite voice, the same message could be conveyed to our spouse. If we start raising our tone, our spouse will feel hurt and heated up which eventually leads to havoc and arguments at home. Remember to always be cautious of your voice tone when speaking to your spouse as this is just chores which should not be something to raise our tone on.
Once you get used to it, it will be natural and easy to cultivate. This is also a good influence to kids at home when parents speak politely among each other.
Appreciate and Give Praise Genuinely
The longer you live with a person, the more you naturally take them for granted. Realistically, we as humans tend to forget those who are always present with us. We often chase what we do not have, then forget to appreciate the presence of what we already had.
This fact is true because remember the first time you met your spouse as a stranger and new friend. If they had done something small but annoying during the first few dates, we might tolerate it at first and forget about it.
Try to do a comparison after many years living together, the same small matter might be used as a bullet point for an argument.
Encouraging and giving good praises to your spouse could increase happiness and make each other feel appreciated. Make it a habit to always show gratitude to every small effort your husband or wife has done for your sake.
Bottom Line
At the end of the day, it can be concluded that living together for a long time is a journey together as a team. Both husband and wife should always remember that certain small matters are not worth the fight. Thus, they do not want to argue over small matters.
